Scott DeGroff

4 Ways to Love Your Wife When You Are Sick

Thirteen months ago I got sick and never recovered. This led to a very different kind of year. We’ve gone from the early stage, when I was quite fragile, of my wife looking at me teary eyed and saying, “Don’t die” and needing to be by my side 24-7 to the adjustments and mental hurdles that go along with caring for a person with a chronic illness.

We have been SO thankful for the Lord’s ever-present grace and the many lessons He has taught us over these months. He is an infinitely trustworthy Heavenly Father! We can trust Him with everything and see where He has placed us as a gift.  This is an opportunity to accept His plan by faith, knowing that we are not outside of His! What a joy and comfort during a time of trial!

Our theme verse for this season of our life is, “God sent me here.” (see Gen 45)

Supporting my caregiver

So, as the sick partner in this marriage, how do I support the caregiver?  As I sit here I don’t know if I have done a decent job of this or an AWFUL job, but this is what I try to do by the Lord’s grace.

1. Pray for her

The Lord says He sits on a throne of grace and that we should come boldly that, “We may obtain mercy and find grace TO HELP IN TIME OF NEED” (Heb.4:16)  How encouraging is that?!?! I see my wife Lynn carrying the trash out and doing dishes and laundry and reminding me what meds I’ve taken and when to take the next batch. I see her running about with the kids, and basically doing all that would normally be done by father and mother.  I will see many times where she needs grace and help.

I may be unable to help her, but I have a God who waits to give grace when asked, and it has been a huge joy and privilege to see the Lord give my wife everything she needs to honor Him and serve Him in the circumstances that He has placed her in for His glory! It is a joy to watch my wife thriving this year, growing in her walk with the Lord, having joy from day to day. This is all a gift of grace from such a good God, and to be able to go to the Lord and see Him provide all that my wife needs is such a joy and a blessing!

2. Seek to lead her, love and appreciate her

I call my wife my “Abigail.”  She is a wise, beautiful and strong woman. Yet she still needs me to fill my God-given role as leader of our family, being, as it were, from a chair or bed.  I would be a foolish husband not to notice her needs!  Sometimes she is overworked, exhausted and spent, and she needs to be given the opportunity to slow down and “restore her soul.”

Sometimes she needs me to sit the kids down and steer the family in a specific direction. She needs me to continue to, “inquire and investigate,” like 1 Peter 3:7 tells a good husband to do in order to love and appreciate her.

3. Help whenever possible

On a rare day when I am able to get around a bit, it’s good for me to be able to serve my wife.

4. Laugh

During prolonged sickness, we need to be able to laugh together and maintain a good attitude and a Christ-centered perspective.

As I write this I haven’t been able to walk hardly at all on my foot for 5 days. I have been hobbling around either with my great-grandfather’s cane or with crutches for days now. I have been kept up at night with the pain. Long story short, it has been a pain in more ways than one!

In these types of circumstances I find I can either look to the Lord in faith, get the grace I need to honor Him, or get frustrated, selfish, bitter, etc. What a massive blessing to get grace and joy rather than sinking in self-pity, frustration, etc.


I lovingly encourage all of us to get the grace we need to be like Christ in and through trials. That way the Lord gets the glory due His Name.  The blessings to us are manifold. It’s a much different experience for the caregiver to take care of a person with a joyful attitude as opposed to a bitter one!

I’m so weak! BUT the Lord is so strong and able to make us stand! Praise the Lord for all of His wonderful grace.

Scott DeGroff


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    Thank you brother for this article..I needed it as I AM GOING THROUGH SOME VERY TRYING CIRCUMSTANCES RIGHT NOW WITH ILLNESS that has not been properly diagnosed or treated. I HAVE BEEN IN EXTREME PAIN.. living with someone in extreme pain is not thank you for your advice. I will take it to heart. I really do appreciate my wife and always have but even more so as I see the load that all wives carry. All the extras they do…even coming home and starting supper when she would wish that supper was waiting for her and never complaining..I do make supper too…anyway this article will remind us to pray for you also. I would appreciate your prayers too as I have a tentative trip planned to go back to El Salvador for the month of April for gospel work but I don’t want to leave till I get the pain looked after…


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    Brother we have followed with interest your own difficulties and can appreciate what you are going through. Thank God for our helpmeets who were fitted perfectly for us! Their own struggles are often overlooked by people simply because our struggles appear more obvious. But so glad they are not unseen or forgotten by the one who has called them to bear this burden.


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      The amazing thing about pain is that once it is over it is over and you act like you never had are praising God..not cursing HIM … the BEST is yet to come…I really feel for people whose pain never leaves them..i have had both….and I REALLY admire people who have borne up under the constant stress of it leaves you exhausted……I THANK GOD for your testimony Sid and Karen ..i DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT SCOTT till I READ THIS STORY… IT REMINDS US AGAIN to hold each other up in prayer…


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    It has been very hard to watch Scotty so sick and weak. I also miss his calls and encouragement and during this time I want to be an encouragement to him,Lynn and my wonderful grandchildren. All I can do is put him in God’s hands where I know he is safe and pray for my wonderful Lynn whom I call Ruth. She has been such a wonderful blessing for our family. We appreciate your prayers. Jackie DeGroff


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    Dear Scott,

    I am so encouraged to read your article and to see your attitude in this experience. As the ‘sicker’ spouse, I find myself feeling bad about requiring too much help physically. As the husband, I am glad you addressed the need for us to still lead our families spiritually. We are so richly blessed to have godly wives who serve their Savior by helping their husbands.
    Proverbs 31:10-12
    An excellent wife who can find?
    She is far more precious than jewels.
    The heart of her husband trusts in her,
    and he will have no lack of gain.
    She does him good, and not harm,
    all the days of her life.
    We are also so richly blessed to have a Good Father who truly does know how to give good gifts His children. Thank you, Scott, for your testimony and ministry. May the joy of the Lord be our strength.


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    Hi Scott,
    It was both a challenge and refreshing to read your article. As one faced with a measure of disability and pain I’ve needed to draw on that promised grace from the throneroom repeatedly.
    Sometimes it has been my turn to meet my wife’s need as she too has been through deep waters and has needed all the encouragement possible. Together we need to be supportive by bringing each other to the Saviour and, as it were, laying each other at His feet, saying, Lord please meet her or him in the present time of problem or need. He does that so wonderfully. “simple trusting every day … Trusting Jesus, that is all.”
    Ken H. (P.S. It was a wonderful surprise to find this site and your testimony.)


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